Why do we serve?

Times like this really make me feel like giving up. It makes me wonder if it's all worth it. I don't know. We fight for people's rights, but we lost ours. 

I don't know. Sigh. 

2 months into OCS,
I'm trying to change for the better,
But people have already condemned me for my character.
I wish I could rewind time to redeem those mistakes.

I miss all my friends. I miss poly.
I ruined a couple of friendships and I wish it hadn't happened.
But it happened; people come and go, yeah.
Life goes on.

Perhaps it was my personality that ruined everything.
Life lessons, yeah, we just gotta learn from our mistakes, I guess.
Maybe I'm a fuck up.

...

Hope things will get better.

What do we fight so hard for?
Why do we compete?
Why do we always try so hard to beat people down?
I don't even know who are my friends anymore.

I used to feel very lonely all the time.
Now i no longer do, not because i'm not bothered by it anymore, it's because i'm already used to it.